Are you surrounding yourself with the right people?
I remember a while back seeing a youtube video from Will Smith that really resonated with me about who you surround yourself with. If you haven’t seen it, here’s the link!
His message is so true, as was Rumi’s.
As a kid, I knew I would not be the person who had the typical 9-5 job and life. I am not for one minute dissing those who have that life, I just knew it was not for me. I wasn’t sure at the time what it was that I wanted, but I knew that it was different from ‘the norm’.
Even now, at the ripe old age of 43, I am still creating it, or maybe refining it! It’s been an evolving process and finally, I think I have it clear (what I want and how), well a lot clearer than if you had asked me 5 years ago!
What I have learned over my 43 years is that not everyone ‘gets me’……and that’s ok! I know that all I seek is not the standard mould of the masses. I have been asked so many times, why can’t I just be happy with a ‘normal’ job and just be happy with a simple life? Why do I always have to have my hand in so many pies? Why am I always wanting more….and more….and more?
I don’t want this to come across in the wrong way, but it’s because for as long as I can remember, I always KNEW I was here to play big and not to play small. I didn’t know how that looked or what it was I was here for, I just knew it was more than the 9-5 life. It was just a feeling I had, and still have.
I have spent the last 43 years trying to figure out what the hell I am here for, what is my purpose, what is the impact I am meant to make, what is my legacy meant to be?
I have grabbed every opportunity that has come my way that has triggered the thought ‘is this it?’. I have run with those opportunities with every ounce of dedication and enthusiasm I could. Sometimes, over time I have realised that the opportunity was not ‘my thing’ and sometimes I have realised that I am getting closer!
I know that as I have embraced so many things, sometimes short term and sometimes long term, I have exhausted some of my closest friends and family. The question ‘so what are you up to now/next’ is a common one! I assume some think I am restless…….I am not. I have just been and continue to be on a journey of discovery about myself and my purpose. This is just me.
Getting back to Will…….throughout this journey of continual learning, what I have realised is that there are those who just don’t get me and therefore try to bring me down, whether that be by words or by actions.
There was a time when I exhausted myself, trying to maintain every single friendship I made, feeling like a terrible friend if time went by and there had been no regular contact. Then a friend reminded me that there are people who will come into your world for just a short time and then leave. Their purpose is not to remain in your life, but just to pass through it. Then there are those who are meant to stay. Once I sat with this for a while, it was liberating. Here I had been, exhausting myself, trying to keep people in my life that were not meant to be in the bigger picture. The ones, if I was really honest, just wanted to piss on my bonfire and try and bring me down. Whether that was because they didn’t get me or whether my aspirations and endeavours triggered their own insecurities. Who knows!
But to be able to let go of those people felt such a relief! I only wanted to be surrounded by those who truly gave a shit about me, who might not get me, but still loved and valued my friendship regardless, and who supported me as I juggled all my balls. Who were there for me when things went tits up and who celebrated my wins.
I am now very lucky to have a hardcore group of friends who (if you asked them) have no real idea what I do, what I am trying to do or achieve, what ball I am juggling right now, or what ball is just around the corner that I have my eye on….and to be honest they don’t care! They love me just as I am, as a friend first and foremost, who will have my back as much as I will have theirs. I love them dearly.
As I write this post I am also so very lucky to have another group of amazing friends…..my business buddies. Those who also knew they were here to make a massive impact and who ride a similar wave to me! I get to talk to them about all the balls I am juggling, all the business challenges I am facing, all the business wins I have, no matter how small, all my business dreams and aspirations and they get me! I cannot tell you how good that feels to have those people around me too!
I was so very lucky recently to be awarded a scholarship to the Wave Mastermind. A movement of women that I desperately wanted to be part of, but of which was out of my financial reach. The mastermind started last week with 3 days away on a business anti-retreat where we had the opportunity to get to know each other, our journey, our story, our businesses, and our future goals. We shared laughter, tears, advice, guidance, knowledge, wisdom and wine! Lots of wine!
Women and wine……a winning combination!
I realised in that moment just how, as in HOW bloody lucky I am to now be part of such a powerhouse of women. Sitting together in a room and feeling the complete overwhelming sense of camaraderie and support. The complete power of collaboration!
It’s once week since I left those ladies and what a week! Every single one of us is requesting help and getting that help. Every single one of us is giving help and making ourselves available to help. It’s a true united front and with that level of friendship and support in your corner, failure surely cannot be an option? As I sit here writing this, a message pops up on my screen from one of my new biz buddies, checking how I am and offering help on something I reached out for. Relationships and connection at its best.
It took a while to stop feeling guilty about letting go of those who didn’t deserve to be in my life and who didn’t deserve for me to be in theirs either……..but I am really ok with it now!
I look at ‘my people’ both closer to home and away and now I have cleansed it of bonfire pissers, I see now that I am surrounded only with those who fan my flames. Life will always attempt to throw curve balls at me, massive hurdles for me to face and overcome, huge challenges that will look like climbing everest, but I KNOW that I will NEVER face any of this alone. I will have a trojan horse of warriors right beside me.
Are you surrounded by the right people, or is it time for a cleanse?
NOTE: Sometimes being a therapist can be a lonely old place, especially if you were alone. If you would like to be part of an amazing therapist community where its all about support, then please come on over and join my free Facebook group The Profitable Couch. We are all about flame fanning!
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